


Overwhelming

by TeitoxAkashi



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: After the Curse of Rainbow arc, All the arcobalenos are growing, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm not sure if I should tag the relationship tho, Implied/ Referenced Suicidal thoughts, May be a lil ooc???, R27 at the end???? I guess?????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-17 11:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21266603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeitoxAkashi/pseuds/TeitoxAkashi
Summary: Do you remember of the times when it was too much? Do you remember the unbearable pain, the overwhelming sadness or the overflowing happiness that suffocates you inside out? Do you remember?(Or, 5+1 of Tsuna feeling too overwhelmed)
Relationships: Reborn & Sawada Tsunayoshi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 86
Collections: 2019 KHR Winter Remix Fest Round 1: Prompt Fic





	Overwhelming

Do you remember of the times when it was too much? Do you remember the unbearable pain, the overwhelming sadness or the overflowing happiness that suffocates you inside out? Do you remember?

1.

Tsuna was four, young and naive, when he entered kindergarten. He was four, full with anticipation and fear, met the harsh, harsh world.

He remembered shaking from excitement and anxiety on the first day. He remembered the looming fear—imaginary, but there—behind him as he stuttered through his introduction, only to flush in shame when the kids—terrors, really—started laughing at him out of nowhere for god knows what reason.

He flushed, face hot and tears welling up as he had tilted his head down, willing himself with his tiny, tiny fist clenched hard, to not cry and make a fuss. He had his head down, trembling slightly, and no one noticed anything.

His world turned silent san for the ghost laughter that rang loudly in his ears.

He felt like he was going to get swallowed up by the world.

2.

At six and a half, Tsuna met his supposedly grandfather—distantly related relative? Maybe—and he remembered—finally—his absent father. (He did not really remember his days of pain and awkward attempts to make friends, no, and thus, he did not really remember his father who had left home for almost a year without returning.) To say that he was completely comfortable with the one who sired him and a stranger at home with his mother was a lie in and out. He was _not_. Not when his father laughed so obnoxiously with his mother in his arms, not when the so-titled grandfather looked at him with piercing eyes.

Not when he was riddled with unknown fear that haunted him every breathing second he was in the same room with them.

It wasn’t as though he _hated_ them or anything, no. His father was just like any father he had seen—yet he wasn’t, not really—and he really, _really_ wanted to get along with him. The grandfather was kind, really gentle and soft when he talked to him, warm as well when he held Tsuna up.

But the fear was still there, gnawing at Tsuna’s heart, slowly trickling paranoia and irrational feelings into his veins.

Then the fear settled permanently in him.

He didn’t remember what happened, but he _knew_ something did. The neighbour’s dog appeared, he was crying—he recalled vaguely—and then he blacked out. He blacked out despite the growing fear even though he felt that he was in warm, safe arms.

He then woke up feeling a bone-deep, unexplainable coldness in him.

Suddenly, he was aware of the silence in his room as he lied on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, cold, cold, _cold_. Suddenly, he wasn’t breathing properly—not the type that happens after a vigorous exercise—that he decided to stop breathing all together.

Suddenly, he _felt_ the world, moving, rotating, vibrating, _still_—as if he was stuck in the motion of everything fast.

He felt like he was going to die.

3.

Tsuna was lanky and bone-y at ten, not because he had not eaten much, but because of the frequent run he had to take. He had to run to school whenever he woke up late—purposely or otherwise—and he had to run whenever he was chased by the dog down the street. He had to run during P.E. when they were doing tracks, he had to run when he rushed to pass a homework that he had not do but had to in the end.

More often than not, he had to run because he was haunted down by demons in the form of children of his age. He had to run—with fear pumping his blood and the taste of copper in his mouth--from the terrors that brought so much pain. He had to run, for if he doesn’t, he would be eaten until not even bones were left behind.

But unfortunately, no matter how frequent he ran, it wasn’t always that he managed to escape through the gap of the monsters’ clawed fingers.

Sometimes, he would get ambushed out of nowhere when he was getting out of the school compound, jeered, sneered, bag stolen and homework torn into pieces. Sometimes, he would get dragged away under the pretence of hanging out, only to have his allowance stolen. Sometimes, he just gave up and wondered if they could give him a swift ending there and then as they punched and kicked him, surrounding him in a circle that seemingly summoned the abyss.

He had not felt the pain that day; Hibari Kyouya from the middle school division somehow found them and gave them a swift beating—Tsuna only managed to escape when he was too occupied. (He ran and ran, lungs burning and muscles screaming, away from the devils and towards another hell that was called an education institute. Ironic, because the only education he had gotten so far seemed to pain and more pain.)

He had not suffered under their clutches that day. He was free, free from the bullies even if it was just for a moment. He was _safe_ even if it was just for a moment. (Tears welled up as he curled up in one of his hiding spots, school bell silent for the time being.)

So why was he hurting even though he was not touched? Why was it so hard to breathe even though he was alright compared to before?

What was wrong with him?

4.

Meeting Reborn was probably the highlight of Tsuna’s whole life, even if he had brought pain along in the package. Reborn was the turning point of his life, the one who turned Tsuna’s dull life 180 degrees around and pushed him down a rabbit hole of no returns. Reborn, the hitman who had come to terrorize him every single day, who became his most trusted friend and confidant, had helped Tsuna so much that Tsuna had no idea how to repay him.

Reborn was a harsh tutor but more importantly, an honest friend—he had been nothing but painfully blunt and straightforward about every doubts Tsuna has. Even though he does not sugar coat his words and action, even though he did not hide the harsh truths that had despaired Tsuna, Tsuna was grateful for it. (It doesn’t help the ever-growing terror in him, but it does help him prepare for the worst.)

Reborn was like a catalyst in his life of slow reactions. He pushed Tsuna into doing things, screaming or otherwise. He supported him as he watched over Tsuna doing his best—as he had always been doing—and he taught him along the way, verbally and physically.

Reborn was the push that stopped him from giving up at the mere age of thirteen, nearly fourteen.

Slowly, he finally learned to stop focusing on the small circle around his feet—ever growing—and started looking up and out. He finally saw the world again, in colours of different hues, shining brightly. He finally saw the world that he had been ignoring and wondered why had he stopped looking at it.

It was so bright.

Yet it was so dark.

Tsuna was undeniably happy with his life, satisfied with it as warmth of his family bubbled in his heart. He was happy that he was alone no more, that he was with people he could trust and people who cared about him just as much as he did to them. He was.

But he wasn’t always.

Tsuna couldn’t lie to himself; he did not feel happy most of the time.

Every time in the silence of his room with his mind as the only companion, he felt sad—_pained_—that his friends were gained after bouts of sorrow when in another world, they could’ve been together without the sadness. He felt angry at the world for hurting him and his beloved ones, for killing the innocence in them—they were just kids for god sake—and at the mess that is the whole of the mafia that constantly brought Death to their doorsteps.

More so, he was afraid. He was afraid of the future—not the one he went, that was the _worst_—that would inevitably come. He was afraid of the path he had to take, the consequences it would bring, _everything_.

He was so afraid.

At fifteen, the coldness in him took over, swallowing him whole and let him lie on the bed, motionless and sleepless through the whole night.

The coldness left him unhinged through the week.

4.5

“Tsuna,” Reborn said, voice gentle yet firm, growing hands cupped his cheeks and wiped away his tears softly. “Tsuna, it’s alright.”

“It—” He sniffed. “It’s _not_.”

Reborn shook his head, paused for a moment before nodding in return. “Yes, it is not. But what is not alright is not the fact that you felt unhappy about everything. What is not alright is that you’re _unhappy_ and you did not tell _anyone_. It’s not alright that you chose to suffer alone.” He patted Tsuna’s head, stroking slightly. (A little part of Tsuna shivered at the intimacy.)

“Tsuna, it’s alright to feel scared. After all, you were once a civilian. You are a kid. You weren’t born into this life—you were _forced_ to—and you were not taught to kill since young, to see warm blood on your hands. It’s natural that you’re scared.”

Tsuna bit his lips.

“And yes, life is unfair. It didn’t have to make any of you suffer—hell, why make a bunch of hairless brats suffer? It didn’t have to do any of that to wind the bond between all of you—all of us. Life is such a _bitch_ I agree,”—That elicited a snort from Tsuna—“But what done was done. There is nothing we could do about the past.”

“I _know_.”

“Good that you know, because the last thing I need was you trying to change anything from that stupid bazooka by making it malfunction.” Tsuna sputtered indignantly in protest. It wasn’t even his fault!

“It’s not your fault, yes.” Reborn rolled his eyes. He shuffled awkwardly closer to Tsuna, still trying to get used to his growing limbs, and half-hugged him. “Tsuna, there’s nothing we can do about how we lived before. It has long slipped from our control. Maybe we didn’t have to experience any of those unpleasant things in our life, but we did, and we can never do anything about it. Not anymore. There is no point in lamenting about it.

“Similarly, there is no point in fearing for the inevitable future. Now, it doesn’t make you any lesser to be afraid of the future, Tsuna. Remember, you were once a _civilian_ and still is a brat. You did not grow up into this life nor did you want it. It’s totally acceptable that you’re afraid of it. After all, you don’t even know what is going to happen and what your life is going to be. It’s _fine_ being afraid.

“But what is going to come will come. It will come regardless of what you do. The only difference that you can make is in the present.” He pursed his lips. “In my opinion, there’s no need for you to be scared. With the little things you do, the little efforts you make now, even if the future is scary, it will be alright in the end. Even if it is not, that’s fine. After all, you are not alone in this.”

He knocked the back of Tsuna’s head before holding it and leaning his forehead against his, staring straight into his brown eyes. “I’ll walk down this path with you, Tsuna. Together.”

Tsuna couldn’t stop the tears anymore.

5.

Tsuna was still fifteen, going sixteen. Tsuna was still the same person who feared the strong, the judgement, the future, everything. He was still the same.

Yet he was no longer that afraid, he felt as he stared at Reborn’s sleeping face. (They had talked all night and fell asleep on Tsuna’s bed—Tsuna because of fatigue and Reborn because of his growing body. They fell asleep and somehow, Tsuna managed to wake up before Reborn.)

Even though the future was still scary, he no longer felt that it was too dark and bleak.

Calm.

Tsuna closed his eyes and squeezed Reborn’s hand, warmth travelling between their palms.

He closed his eyes and missed the small smile that tugged on Reborn’s lips.

+1

Tsuna had to say, of all things Reborn had prepared him for, he definitely had not prepared him from falling in love.

Face bright red and steaming, he blabbered and sputtered incoherently at the half-naked Reborn (taller than him now, much to his annoyance), covering his eyes yet still peeking through the gap between his fingers. Ohhhh my god the abs!!!

Reborn raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with you, idiot Tsuna?”

Tsuna squeaked loudly and immediately ran away.

‘CRAP!’

He swore his heart was going to burst into pieces.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not creative with the title and summary, I _know_. My braincells had all died so ergh.   
<s>You can easily tell when I lost idea and just winged the whole thing lolol I'm so sorry</s>
> 
> [I apologize for any grammar, spelling, etc. etc. mistakes]


End file.
